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1. |
Bob & Ted Part 1
05:16
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Hello this is Ted Stevens and I’m with Bob McGee and we are here for the third game of the World Series in beautiful downtown St. Louis
Bob what the hell are you doing?
I’m just trying to get something out of my teeth Ted I just had a beautiful sandwich and sometimes because I have a bridge
Bridge. It’s funny you mention bridge. bridge over the river Kwai, one of my favorite movies.
Ted, I don’t think that’s neither hithor or thithor
hithor or thithor what a great Vaudeville team they were
Bob where are the players for this third game of the World Series
They are not to be seen here Ted we have not seen any of the players yet and I think it has something to do with that lost plane in Malaysia
Bob that can’t be because they were here for game two and then they flew to St. Louis here today by the way, have you noticed that on flights they are jamming more and more people in?
Speaking about jamming Bob, you know I think signals have been jammed a lot lately on my phone you know Eddie Snowden who got sent to Russia he warned us about the NSA and the jamming of signals
Bob, i don’t think we want to talk about that we have a great pitching match-up if the players show up, we have Steve Reynolds, who has one of the best fastball I have ever seen. Of course I went blind recently in a hunting accident.
Hey, I know we want to not be discriminating, but I don’t think you should be calling this game blind.
You know you are the kind of person who always makes people feel bad. I am blind, but I could tell by the sound of the ball and the bad and the roar of the crowd what is going on.
All right, Ted if you want to say that, but yes Reynolds does have a great fastball. by the way what were you trying to shoot when you got hit in that hunting accident?
I was trying to shoot the wife
The wife? that’s not hunting that’s murder
Nope. we have a game we play. have you seen the hunger games?
No, I don’t wanna watch that teenage shit
It isn’t teenage shit, Bob, it’s really…
Oh, the players are just going on the field now. Here they come. Johnson at third base.
Ted, nobody Is fucking there OK you’re blind, there’s nobody there. The crowd was roaring because somebody ran onto the field naked.
My mistake folks we just have a streaker. The players still not seen. It could have something to do with a black box at the bottom of the Asian sea. By the way, have you ever had the Chinese food downtown here, Bob?
Yes, I have, Ted, and it is great Chinese food but you know what’s even more interesting? In the bathroom of that Chinese restaurant, there’s always a gun taped to the back of the paper towel dispenser.
That is a great reference to the Godfather, Ted.
But I’m being serious here. There’s a gun in the bathroom of this Chinese restaurant and the other day I just.. Oh the players are coming out to the field now Ted
They are. The players are coming onto the field. Apparently their plane did make it there’s no black box or any kind of crap like that, 30 days of CNN going where the fuck is it? They are here. The players are here Johnson at third, Reynolds at second. Basuki is at first. Priamo is pitching. What an international team this is.
Ted, you know I just want to say this I just wanna finish off that story about the Chinese restaurant. I was able to get the gun off that dispenser and I went into the restaurant with the gun and I demanded free egg fu yung. I demand free eggrolls, and guess what? I got em. I got em. You know?
That’s great Bob, here’s the first pitch line drive set a field that one’s in the gap. In the gap, by the way, what ever happened to the gap Bob? They used to have really kind of nice comfortable clothing and I don’t even think they’re around anymore.
No, Ted, they aren’t around anymore and I don’t even think is the banana republic.
Speaking of banana republics, there’s a lot of problems in Venezuela.
That’s right, Ted, Venezuela. we are trying to interfere with Venezuela to get their oil. Boy, that would be a big coup for us. Having more oil.
That certainly would, Bob . Here’s the pitch from Johnson. It’s a ground ball to second base.
By the way, Ted, I once got to second base on a girl name Frida. She was a painter ever hear of Frida Kahlo?
Yes, I have five Frida Kahlo. Great painter, great woman, great novelist.
By the way, speaking of novels, Bob, you ever read on a train just to pass the time?
Are you kidding? I love to read on a train as a matter of fact I got a little song about reading on a train it goes something like this.
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2. |
Reading on a Train
03:03
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I’m reading on a train
And that train is going to Tennessee
I’m reading a novel by Frida Kahlo
And I’m going to Nashville Tennessee
I got a baby in Tennessee
And I’m reading a book by Frida Kahlo
There’s nothing like reading on a midnight train
Everybody on that train is sleeping but you
And you’re reading about a little murder
That took place in the hills of Germany
Reading on the train is nice
With a little flask of whisky
And a pair of dice
Reading on the train is nice
With a little flask of whisky
And a pair of dice
I was reading A Hundred Years of Solitude
On the 9:23 to Nashville
I was reading A Hundred Years of Solitude
On the 9:23 to Nashville
We had to make a stop
And a gang of bastards got on the train
A gang got on the 9:23 to Nashville
I was reading a good book
And this gang demanded money
So they could get frozen yogurt
They had a hankering for frozen yogurt
And they were kicking in the teeth of everybody on that train
Because they liked a lot of toppings on their yogurt
And they needed money
But I kept reading my book on the 9:23 to Nashville
I kept reading my book on the 9:23 to Nashville
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3. |
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Well Bob, that was a great song and I gotta tell you it looks like it’s raining here and they put the tarp on the field and do you know, rain, Bob, there’s something poetic about rain isn’t there? The World Series is being delayed in the rain quite frankly reminds me of God’s tears.
That’s a great point Ted. If there is a God, remember, we are very very close to finding out that the universe: is it just running on its own by an uncaring mechanism or is there a super power? I think this song might throw some light on it about God and here we go.
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4. |
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God, are you there
God, do you have any hair
God, damn
God, are you there?
I’m lonely
And I need someone to talk to
I need God
I need to talk to you
And I know that space is fathomless
And I know the French philosophers say
There is no God
But I’m lonely
And I’m smoking a cigarette
Trying to talk to God
Hey God
This is Frank
I just want to ask you
Why are we here baby
I’m just killing time
I’m a mechanic
I work on cars
I got a little gal named Julie
We don’t get along
But you made us, God
Men and women, God
It ain’t easy baby
It Ian’t easy making a living either, God
You there, God
God
I know that you have to be there
The loneliness can’t be this achy
Oh God I’m talking to you, my man
God I’m talking to you
Don’t ignore me God
I’m talking to you, son
God, damn, you’re the elusive one.
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5. |
Bob & Ted Part 3
01:50
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That was a great song about our creator and the rain is coming down even heavier it looks like we’re gonna have to call this game here. It’s just a big storm here Bob and there’s no way that were gonna be able to finish this game, but after all, it’s only a game
By the way, Ted, did you see the movie the game with Sean Penn?
Sean Penn, one of my favorite actors I liked when he did that role where he played a disabled person in a Starbucks.
I love Starbucks, Ted I really do. I love their coffee and I also love how linear, how linear Starbucks is. Like when you walk in Starbucks, there’s nothing but mathematics, baby. Starbucks is nothing but math. And coffee. Math and coffee.
That’s right Ted Starbucks is math and coffee. All right folks it looks like the game will not be played today, but remember, games without frontiers, war without tears is a great song by Peter Gabriel.
Oh, Ted, I love Gabriel. Gabriel, one of my favorites.
One time I smoked a cigarette with Gabriel, Bob. We were standing on, would you believe it, Solsbury Hill. We were standing, me, and Peter Gabriel, going boom, boom, boom on Solsbury Hill, and Chubby Checkers came over. He was on blueberry hill, the adjoining hill. There was Chubby and Peter. One was a blueberry, one was on Solsbury hill and then there was just a man on a hill.
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6. |
A Man on a Hill
04:24
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Just a man on a hill
And he’s digging in the dirt
He’s looking for water
And he knows it’s the end
There’s a man on the hill
And he got a new pair of glasses
The man on the hill
Got a new pair of glasses
It’s all about perspective
Or a new pair of glasses
Once he put on his glasses
He could see
The man on the hill
He could see for miles
But he also owed his friends money
They came a calling for the money
And he said he didn’t have it
They said, you’re lucky today
Why am I lucky, said the man
On the hill with the new pair of glasses
And they said you’re lucky because we’re going away
And the man on the hill
He made some soup for his dog
He made some soup for his dog everyday
His dog wanted a bone
But instead he got cream of chicken
And his dog went whimpering away
The man on the hill
Started vaping his ass off
He was vaping his ass off on a rainy day
By the time he finished vaping
The rain had stopped
And he put his vape pen away
He made some lasagna
That wasn’t cooked in the middle
And he had his friends over for tea
He said what’s your preference
Camomile or mint
And one of the son of a bitches said red zinger
He said I got no red zinger
But I got camomile
The son of a bitch said red zinger
Or I’m gonna shoot you
So he took out his vape pen
And started vaping
And finally his friend went away
There was something about that vape pen
That made people leave
It might have been the fact that he was vaping shit
He was smoking shit
People would say that’s some good shit
And they were right it was shit
And he knew halloween was coming
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Eddie Pepitone / Robbie Mangano - Waste Management Company New York, New York
This is collaboration of comedian/actor Eddie Pepitone and musician/producer Robbie Seahag Mangano
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